wanted: pet sheep

Ever since I first heard a sheep "baaaah" in person, I've been sold on them. First of all, it makes me bust out laughing every time since it sounds like there's a human hiding behind the fence pretending to be a sheep. Who knows, it might have been Pat— he can do a pretty darn good imitation. Then there's their undeniable cuteness—from their innocent little faces to their little puffy tails.








They're even cute running around naked after they've been shorn—and even more skittish. And who'd blame them?



(Don't worry, not a blood sacrifice, just spray paint)

So the obvious conclusion is that we must get a pet sheep. And since, from experience, we know that one will get lonely, we better get two. We've already named them—Captain Chubkins and Fluffy. Who wouldn't want a peaceful little puff-ball meandering in their yard?




We've already thought it out—we could rotate them between the .057 acres in our front yard and the .057 acres in the back. They would be able to handle the hill well and could probably survive most of the winter outside. When it gets really cold out, we could herd them into the dirt room under the porch. Can sheep climb stairs?

They're so orderly... we've caught them on several occasions "following the leader" through a perfectly open field. Maybe it's just because they're English sheep—everyone says the Brits like to queue up.




Now, don't worry, this isn't some twisted Marie Antoinette thing where we're going to perfume the sheep, create a fake country village for them, and pretend to be Mary herding her little lambs. We're realistic. We're logical. So we've created a list of pros and cons to examine the situation.

Pros:
• We have more sun in the back yard now so the grass might actually grow.
• We could get rid of the lawnmower. Maybe we could even rent them out to trim other people's lawns.
• We could charge the neighborhood children to pet them.
• Their poo seems to be smaller than a dog of the same size.
• Well fertilized lawns.
• They don't seem to stink.
• We wouldn't need to buy them toys or beds.
• I'm pretty handy with scissors.
• We could gradually add renewable insulation to the attic.
• I could start a knitting industry—Scarves 'r Us.
• We'd get lots of exercise trying to catch them as they're quite skittish.

Cons:
• Johnson & Johnson probably wouldn't pay to ship them back to the states and they won't fit in my carry-on.
• City of Cincinnati laws don't allow farm animals in residential areas.
• We would have to install a sheep-proof electric fence since we know they have no fear of roadways.
• We would have to buy stock in grass seed.
• We would have to find a sheep vet.
• They would have to be the same sex or neutered—as cute as the lambs are, I'm not interested in breeding.
• The kennel probably wouldn't take them when we go on vacation.
• Sheep tend to run away from me baaing an alarm call.

So, because of pesky laws and all that stuff, we decided it wasn't going to work for us. We compromised on a much smaller, cleaner, and less demanding alternative...

...a miniature stuffed sheep. His name is Captain Fluffy.